Diary of a Child #1

my God... dad, has it really been this long? have you suddenly changed into a different person throughout these years or have I really just started to get to know you?

i have to say, i grew up hating you, you know. i grew up harboring all these negative thoughts and emotional whatnot.. you shut me up whenever i "justify" and it has only been tonight that you gave me the liberty to do so.. it is just now that you permit me to explain without thinking that I am talking back. i love you for that.. i already learned to forgive a few years back but it is just tonight that you made me feel, how do i say this? it is just tonight that you made such a closure to this childhood scar..

OH MY GOD! and for the first time, pa, you went into my room. pag may conflict, parati kasi si mama.. Oct. 27, 2011.. you don't know talaga pa what this means to me.. all my life.. tapos biglang ganun.. i may have broken your trust but you still give me reason and the chance to put it back again..

friends during my retreat: Jaycee, Marie and Lina, if ever i die today or whenever without having to share the letter i wrote to him, you know what to do.. i placed it still inside my blue envelope. so, if ever that happens, i want you to hand it over to him. it shall contain everything and it shall liberate my soul...

IF ONLY YOU SAID THIS A WHOLE LOT EARLIER, I WOULDN'T HAVE THE PERSONALITY I HAVE TODAY. I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THIS SECRETIVE TO YOU GUYS.. but you left me no choice and i don't think "sorry" would be an appropriate term.

ma, sorry, i disappointed you. but you disappoint me too.. the way you pass judgments to my friends? yeah. that's such a huge No-No to me.. you can cross anyone, every person i have in my life except for these 11 guys.. you don't know them so don't have a right to say a thing! be mad, shout all you want. i'm sorry. kasalanan ko, i know.. hindi naman ako bato.. naiintindihan ko bakit. ok lang sakin.. pero ibang usapan na tlga kung kasali mga kaibigan ko.. lalaban ako.. kaya, intindihin mo rin bakit kita tiningnan ng ganun ka-sama..

yes, i am such a failure. i don't absorb your "values" as fast as you expected me to do.

so, i'm sorry but i can't be your perfect child..